5 Tips to Get Through Long Distance Marriage

Marriage Can Be Wild and Adventurous:

    So it's understandable that when you add 'long-distance' to the mix, you're up against some serious "make it or break it" circumstances, whatever the cause. Whether your husband is in the military, travels frequently for work, or is following a "once-in-a-lifetime" goal, the truth remains that you must take some crucial actions to safeguard your marriage while you go about your daily lives. 

1. Keep Your Boundaries Up to Date:

    The most important thing you and your spouse can do for yourself, each other, and your marriage is to establish very clear expectations while you are apart.Setting very clear expectations for yourself, each other, and your marriage is the most essential thing you and your spouse can do. It's the first step in ensuring that you stay a "team" even if you don't live together. Please don't let any preconceptions creep in. Even if you think something is "obvious," you should say it out loud. You may even write down your limits jointly so that you can make sure you're both on the same page. Furthermore, if something isn't working for you, you must take the effort to revisit the dialogue and re-establish those limits.

2. Try to Connect Every Day:

    Remember that every human being transforms (for the better or for the worse) as a consequence of the conditions they confront on a daily basis. Unfortunately, because you live apart, you lose out on a lot of those little shifts/changes that are the basis of your estrangement. So, ask smart questions and pay attention to how your spouse is impacted by their environment so you don't miss out on how they're evolving and growing. 

3. Keep It Honest: 

    Please don't lie to each other saying "how fantastic everything is" all the time to make things easier on one other. It will be challenging, and you will need to affirm each other in this way. If you have kids, describe what it's like to be a single parent at this time of year, and if you're the one who's gone, say how much you miss your home and how appreciative you are for your spouse's efforts to keep the home and schedules running while you're gone. If you and your spouse have had a terrible day, please do not hide your problems for the sake of your spouse. Encouragement, empathy, and optimism are all desirable traits.

4. Understand the "End Date" (if possible):

    For those of you in the military, I understand that you don't always know when you'll be able to come home or when your spouse will be able to do so. However, if this is possible, it is critical that you clarify how long this arrangement is planned to last. A marriage cannot survive if one partner is not physically present for an extended period of time. There hasn't been a single study that shows it's healthy and beneficial for a married couple.

5. Have a good time:

    If you have a network of support around you, you will be a lot healthier person and will be able to endure long-distance marriage much better. Maintain the limits you and your spouse have established together, but don't be afraid to have a life when your spouse is gone. It is beneficial to both of you. Just remember to surround yourself with individuals who will help you grow as a person and as a spouse.